Changes 1

I'm starting to feel the positive effects of the changes I've made over the last year. As a result, as we enter the 4th quarter, I think 2005 has turned out pretty good. I've written about the conscious decisions I've made with respect to living a more focused and somewhat simpler life. But I've put some thought lately into some pretty interesting changes, both intentional and circumstantial, that have happened throughout the last few years. Some are related to the ones expressed previoiusly, others are purely coincidental.

First... some history.

1. Sally part 1

I've been holding off on writing about Sally... waiting for the right circumstances. I slammed her in a posting a while back, and I've since remorsed about it. In fact, I didn't know shit about what happened that night. Turns out she wasn't even the one who rang the doorbell... ugh. Anyhow, this topic fits well. Indeed, she has changed more than anyone or anything over the last few years, and it's become painfully evident as we've become reacquainted.

We met a few times by chance in The Missing Sock, in January 2001 shortly after I moved in. Once, I was eating a cone of mint-chip from Swensens with one hand and trying to pull some jeans out of the dryer with the other. She helped me out, and we struck up a conversation. Until then, she was the girl next door (downstairs) who just happened to be drop-dead gorgeous. From that moment on, she was a friend.

Sally was a different girl then. She was caught in a drastic relationship. Her demanding job had squelched any dreams of real success. Her boyfriend, friends, and boss constantly took advantage of her forgiving, selfless, and loving heart. As a result, she was trapped within her own circumstances. She constantly faught and lost internal battles with her own fears and anxiety. Those elements had been fueled by the decisions and "friends" she had been making since moving out on her own to SF.

But all the while, she was getting stronger.

She started to become more comfortable in her own skin as I was becoming more comfortable in a new city. We trusted eachother more as the months went on. We became better friends and started dating. We took a couple trips across the country and built some wonderful memories. We were complimentary in every way. I learned from her the value of a different point of view... that of a lover and an artist. Where I would see in only black and white, she showed me colors I'd never dreamed of. My photography began to take on new meaning. Her paintings visibly took on more color and inspiration. She showed me some of her new clothing designs. I gave her whatever ideas and moral support I could as she strove to start her own business. Time shared with Sally were some of the best moments of my life.

2. Me

In late 2002, early 2003, I got sidetracked. By that time, I'd gone through about 10 rounds of layoffs at Cap Gemini, and the pressure was starting to thicken. Like a complete idiot, I had betrayed Sally's trust by messing around with a friend's roommate. I was starting to get fed up with the roommate situation (Mark), and felt trapped in my own home among all of his "stuff". Meanwhile, I'd concocted the idea of purchasing a $100k motorhome and living in it. It was to be the adventure of a lifetime, albeit not the best fiscal decision I'd ever made. All the while, I was still performing with the Renegades and traveling allover the west coast in my new toy. The motorhome quickly became a money-pit, what with the total lack of maintenance by the prior owner.

Early 2003, my brother's addictions had gotten the better of him, and I was getting roped into the controlling the damaging consequences of his downward-spiraling lifestyle. That was in the Spring, just as he was getting married. This period was the culmination of a destructive 10-year habbit, and as such, it was one of the most grueling, heart wrenching tests this family has ever had. Meanwhile, I was getting further into debt, stressing too much, playing too much, and gaining weight all the while.

I lost focus. Sally and I drifted.

To complicate things, in June '03, I took an offer to come back to Moulton Logistics. I quit the Cap Gemini gig and moved to LA. Admittedly, I always thought that a career at Moulton had limited potential, but the management position was an opportunity at a time when an opportunity was exactly what I needed. It didn't take long for me to grow weary of the new job. Within a year, I grew bored and onery. Through 2004, the day-to-day grind and family-business politics were too much for me, and I let it show. In fact, my boss, the owner's wife's son, quit for the same reason. It was during this time that I was starting to make the life-changing decisions that were inspired by the promises to my grandfather. Eventually, I let my boss, Larry Moulton, my grandfather's nephew, know that I was interviewing with other companies. He let me go shortly thereafter, in January of this year. At the time, I was pissed. But as it turns out, it was the best change that could have happened at that moment.

Thank you, Larry Moulton, for the opportunities, and for knowing when to say when.

3. Sally part 2

During the stint in LA, Sally and I kept in touch, and that's about it. We didn't go out on dates, we didn't talk a whole lot. It was unfortunate for me, because I was missing out on her renaissance. She was making it... by herself, and in spite of herself. I caught glimpses of her new stuff; the prototypes. She told me a little about the what, who, how, and when of her fledgling ideas. But she was doing it. She was taking what she knew she could do, and executing.

Here's the thing with Sally. What you see is not always what you get. Sometimes I cannot, will not, shall not have a clue what is going on inside her witty, cunning mind. To this day, she's excellent at playing the quiet type. But I've learned to trust that, whatever it is that's going on in there, it's a good thing. It took a year to chip away at some of Sally's barriers enough to have a decent conversation with her. But, once we got to know eachother, this quality was easy to see. I believe that Sally is capable of so much, at least partially because of this quality. To see what she has become, and moreover, what she is becoming, is a lesson in humility. Sally doesn't brag. She does not flaunt who she is or what she stands for. She just is, and she just does. And so far she has both become and done quite a lot.

With financial backing and the unwavering love of her family, Sally has had the support structure that only the luckiest of entrepreneurs have. This on top of her own tenacity and passion has lead her to some real progress with her business. She has sales representation up and down the west coast. She has made capital investments and taken manufacturing in house. She has opened her own shop in SoMa, and is ramping up production with the aid of dedicated skilled labor. She has researched the industry and the market, made plans, and executed them. Success appears to be imminent for this up-and-coming fashion powerhouse.

But this is what get's me. Everything that she has done with this project-turned-profession is just a by-product of the real changes that she has made with herself. No longer is she trapped by her own decisions or consequences. She owns them. She no longer battles with her fears or anxieties. She has defeated them. No longer does she allow her friends or colleagues to take advantage of her. She has earned their respect. These changes are the result of who she is, and they have forever affected what she is to become. I've learned a lot about Sally in these last few months...

And frankly, I'm a little humbled by what she's also tought me about myself.